Q: How many female singers does it take to sing "Crazy?"
A: All of them!

Q: What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
A: Hey guys, let's do one of my songs.

Q: How can you tell when your guitar player is trying to get into the studio?
A: He's late and he's got the wrong Key.

Q: What do you call the guy surrounded by musicians?
A: The drummer!

Q: What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: Why does the guitarist leave his case on the dashboard?
A: So he can park in the handicapped spot.

Q: Why do drummers join bands?
A: They like to hang out with musicians.

Q: What did the drummer get on his SAT test?
A. Drool.

Q. What's the difference between an accordion and a lawn mower?
A. If you put both of them on the Home Shopping Network, you could sell the lawn mower.

Q. How can you tell if the stage is level?
A. Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q. What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
A. His amp.

Q. What's the best way to play a banjo?
A. With a hack saw.

Q. Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
A. Even a virus has some pride.

Q. How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
A. You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.

Q. How can you tell a drummer in a crowd at your front door?
A. He's the one wearing the Domino's pizza hat.

Q. What did the bass player say on his first job?
A. Would you like fries with that coke?

Q. Why do bands need roadies?
A. To translate for the drummer.

Q. How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One, he just holds onto the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Q. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Seven - one to hold the bulb and six to drink until the room spins.

Q. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One - as long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket.

Q. What's the difference between a musician and a US savings bond?
A. One of them eventually matures and earns money.

Q. Who is the patron Saint of the accordion?
A. Our lady of Spain.

Q. Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A. It took an hour to get the drummer out.

Q. What has 8 teeth and forty feet?
A. The front row of a blue grass concert.

Q. How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
A. Put a chart in front of him.

Q. What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A. Homeless.

Q. What's the difference between a bass player and a toilet?
A. A toilet only has to take crap from one ass hole at a time.

Q. How can you tell when a singer's at your door?
A. You open the door and he still doesn't know when to come in.

Q. What's the difference between a snake and a trombone player?
A. Chances are, the snake is going to a gig.

Q. What's the difference between the owner of a night club and the PLO?
A. You can negotiate with the PLO.

Q. What's the range of a tuba?
A. 20 yards, if you have a good arm.

Q: What happened to Bach after he had 20 children?
A: His Organ Baroque!

Q: Why did Bach have so many children?
A: His organ had no stops.

Q: Why are conductors' hearts so coveted for transplants?
A: They've had so little use.

Q: What does a good conductor weigh?
A: 28 ounces, not counting the urn.

Q: If you throw a conductor and a violist off a tall building, who'll hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?

Q: What's the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the back.

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a conductor?
A: A Doberman

Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he gyrates so much, he'll fall off the ladder.

Q: What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
A: No one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

Q: Why are a pianist's fingers like lightning?
A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice.

Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat miner.

Q: What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A: A flat major.

Q: Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than a studio upright?
A: It makes a louder noise, when you drop it off a cliff.

Q: Why was the piano invented?
A: So the musician would have a place to put.

Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ Test?
A: Saliva.

Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant" ..

Q:How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Five. One to change the light bulb and four to stand around and say, "Man, if I'd had his studio time, I could have done that."

Q:How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Three. One to climb up the ladder, one to kick the ladder out from under her and a third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

Q:How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
A:None. They can't get that high.

Q:How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Three. One to change the bulb and two to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q:How many country & western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one, and one to go "Yeeeee-Hah !" and throw his hat in the air.

Q:How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on his forehead.

Q:How many flutists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Just one, but he'll spend $5,000 on a Sterling silver bulb.

Q:How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Four. One to screw in the bulb and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better."

Q:How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Just one, but he'll do it too loudly.

Q:How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out both sides of his mouth?

The stage is level.

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Twelve. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it better.

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?

Give him some sheet music.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common.

Both suck when you plug them in.

How do you make a bass player turn down the volume?

Put a chart in front of him.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

None--they just steal somebody else's light.

What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?

Counterpoint.

What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

What's the best thing to play on a guitar?

Solitaire.

What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

What do you call a musician without a significant other?

Homeless.

Why do musicians have to be awake by six o'clock?

Because most shops close by six thirty.

What would a musician do if he won a million dollars?

Continue to play gigs until the money ran out.

What's the difference between a conductor and a stagecoach driver?

The stagecoach driver only has to look at four horses' asses.