Quotes |
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"People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it".
"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet".
"Mick Jagger is about as sexy as a pissing toad".
"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings".
"Once you're dead you're made for life".
"Opera in English is, in the main, just about as sensible as baseball in Italian".
"I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in".
"Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour".
"The concert is a polite form of self induced torture".
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.".
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life"
"I hate music, especially when it's played".
"The concert is a polite form of self induced torture".
"Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read".
"I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke".
"One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you".
"Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique".
"Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!".
"Parsifal is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock. After it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6.20".
"Once you're dead you're made for life".
""My biggest regret in life is that I didn't hit John Denver in the mouth while I had the chance".
"Mick Jagger is about as sexy as a pissing toad".
"All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff".
"I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke".
"The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven".
"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh".
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you".
"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you".
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it".
"I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs".
"I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour".
"Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humour was provided to console him for what he is".
"There's terrific merit in having no sense of humour, no sense of irony, practically no sense of anything at all. If you're born with these so-called defects you have a very good chance of getting to the top".
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country".
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt".
"English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists. Here the similarity ends: the Loch Ness Monster seems to be a gentle beast and harms no one; English humour is cruel".
"Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall".
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Noel Coward 
Larry Gelbart All Rights Reserved. 2004.www.music-prank.com